Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
