Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
