I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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