He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Rumble strips road head = magical
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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