I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
