I think I won the penis lottery.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Bring me that man meat
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
