If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
