He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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