Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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