I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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