70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
