1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
