i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
