Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
