Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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