Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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