i just wanna soil my oats bro
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
