everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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