Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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