Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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