Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
