I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
