whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
