Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize