Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
