He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
