I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
