I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
