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I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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