i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What drink are we having for lunch?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize