what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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