Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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