This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
two words...techno handjob
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
