I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
