Sponge bath it is.
My liver just broke up with me...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
