she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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