FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
