is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's rum buckets o'clock
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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