Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I looked at my own cervix.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
