just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
