I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
