I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
