i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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