Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
