but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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