Jerry, you need to find god
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
