just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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