We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
