i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
