I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
