At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize