Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He did a backflip because drugs
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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