puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
