Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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