He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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