Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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