Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
