from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just cut my nipple shaving
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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