At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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