so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
