I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
