I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
