wakey wakey hands off snakey
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize