I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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