i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
