when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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