I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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