Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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