I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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