Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
