Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize