oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
