Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
