She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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