I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
