I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
