Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
