alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
