I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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