yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
