So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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