He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
