47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
