i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
