well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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