Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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