If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
