omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
