No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
