I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
