I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
