Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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