Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I met the friendliest cop last night
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Boobs are out for the taking
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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