haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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