I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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