i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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