apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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