I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
look no pants
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize