i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
