is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
